I do not know how not to love you

I do not know how not to love you. I do not know how to wake up in the morning and not think about you. I don't know how to breathe in and not smell you on my sheets. I do not know how to do all this.
I woke up this morning with a pain in my heart that I hadn’t even thought about. It seemed to me that I had already suffered this stage of longing for you, wanting you, love for you.It seemed to me that I had cleared a place in my head and heart. But I was wrong.

I am so afraid that I will never leave you in the past. The pain in my heart, which I now feel, is not the same as before. Previously, these were tides of overwhelming melancholy and a sudden consciousness that everything was over between us - it was easier to cope with it. This is the sadness about which they write in books and make movies.

But much worse than the sadness that remains behind the scenes.Which sneaks to you when the voices in your head or in your world subside. And then sadness covers you when you don’t pay attention to her, when you don’t even try to brush it off, because you think that it is long past. It was such a sadness that covered me now.

You left again, as before.I hate myself for exposing us to this again. I know that when I see you, it will be incredible, as if it is worth it. But I ignore voices in my head that remind me how painful it is when you leave.Because you always leave. I know it and hate myself for ignoring it.

I do not know how not to love you, and I do not know how to become indifferent. I would just like to turn off feelings and stop feeling, because then it would be much easier to live.If only I could stop loving you, I could leave you in the past, where you are.

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  • I do not know how not to love you

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    I do not know how not to love you